Why yes, I do have a Swingline. Why do you ask?

For years I've had these delusions that the best way to describe my life, or more accurately, to think of my life, is to view it as a television drama or comedy. Seriously, every year is like a new season, and there are cast changes practically every year. Some cats are fired, written out, others get their own spin-offs if they move away, GUEST STARS...you get the idea. "Truman Show" stuff. That's why I dig when there's a major shift in the status quo, so the audience isn't quite so bored. Pretty sad, right? Well, I can't be held responsible for thinking this when every single person in this office lives their lives to their stereotypical fullest.

Oh no, someone complaining about his cubicle life? Oh yes. Tweek needs to vent.

Have you seen those commercials where somebody brings in food or coffee or something, I don't recall, and the guy likens the people popping their heads over their cubicles to gophers popping out of their holes? Yeah, that happens here. Or the other one where the women is dreaming that she's on some fantasy resort, eating yogurt or some other safe treat a desperate housewife would eat, and then the pudgy guy from accounting pops in her dream to tell her their are donuts in the conference room? Yup, that's happened here (well, the accounting guy w/ donuts part...nobodies sharing their fantasies with me.)

Office Space? Nothing in that movie was exxagerated. Birthdays here are JUST like they are in that. Everyone has to plod along through some crap rendition of Happy Birthday while sharing a cake and standing around like we want to talk to each other. I have an intercom speaker right above my desk, blurting out every page and telephone call at such an incredible decibel level that anyone I'm actually trying to speak with over my phone is drowned out. I hear every page and announcement...all day...like that woman Peter has to listen to answering phones. I clench my jaw everytime it beeps.

My "cubemate" couldn't be more of my opposite, either. He went to Catholic school, I went to public. He played sports, I was in theatre. He likes country, I HATE country. He likes Superman, I like Batman. He says "TGIF", I say "STFU".Thank the Maker there's a wall between us.

I travel over almost an hour and a half each day for these joys and more. The list could go on...inane talks about the weather, about some celebrity gossip, GOD how can real life be such a cliché!?!?

At least I can listen to my iPod at work...one thing my TV show has going for it is a kickin' soundtrack.